Monthly Archives: October 2013

I saw the signs (and felt them too)

So….I’m pregnant. We got a positive on Sunday morning (well two) and another yesterday. I’m nauseous, my boobs feel like they were run over by a truck and my brain seems to be on vacation.

I’ll come back with more later after I finish this beastly report for work,  but I couldn’t wait to share.

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Our baby is going to be a fiddler

A good friend came to visit last week and wanted to go to a concert on Wednesday night. I have a pretty intense love for music, many many kinds of music, but I’ve never been much of a folk/bluegrass/gospel fan. Guess what kind of concert it was? Crazy folk/bluegrass/gospel did I mention crazy?  We sucked it up and had a pretty good time and after the most intense fiddling  I have ever seen I am sure that our baby is going to be a fiddler. I’m not sure if fiddling is a thing, but since playing the drums is called drumming I figured it was fairly possible.

Fertility Friends says I am 6 DPO, but I’m going with 5 DPO. It was a whirlwind of a cycle, because why have a  nice normal cycle like everyone else? That’d be boring. We decided to have the bank overnight the swim team and then didn’t end up using inseminating until their originally scheduled date of arrival. Silly kids. Jamie described $50 as pennies in this process (we’re big ballers now) so we figured we could pay pennies to have peace of mind.

Then, she left half of our future baby at work and had to drive through horrendous traffic to go back and get the swim team. It’s a good thing we’ll have a while to get used to caring for someone else. We don’t want to be leaving our baby at work. yikes!

Then I ran out of OPK’s. Those fancy little pee sticks are a lot cheaper on the interweb, but I snuck away from work and paid lots of pennies for those too. I got a positive at about 1pm on Wednesday. Our friend arrived at about 3pm. He met me at my office and ate gingersnaps and pistachios with us to celebrate bosses day. Yes Anxious Yogi picked gingersnaps and pistachios for her favorite treat. I left work with him at about 4 and we headed to our place. Jamie and I had decided we should just tell our friend that we were going to be inseminating, but hadn’t really talked about what we’d say or how much detail to go into. Well, as soon as we sat down (Jamie was still at work) he asked me how getting pregnant was going. So I said “Well we aren’t pregnant yet, but we are going to try tonight” To which he replied “So how does that work?” So then of course I went to get the tank out of our bedroom and we had a nice little frozen sperm, cryobank lesson. Jamie got home during the lesson and was quite relieved that I had the pleasure of explaining our midnight shenanigans.

He was a great sport, not awkward at all. He decided that we have to get pregnant this cycle so that he can tell people “I’m not saying I’m the father, I’m just saying I was the only man in the house when the baby was conceived”.

So now we wait. I haven’t decided if I will test early or not. I have a bunch of cheap tests so I think I might as well…but I don’t want a negative so there is that too.

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I hate coffee

Okay that’s a lie I am trying to tell myself. I love coffee and I miss coffee, so very much.

A couple of months ago my boss, Anxious Yogi, brought in a keurig for us to use upstairs (yes even though we only have 8 staff members we have two floors…it’s complicated). See, Anxious Yogi is kind of a coffee snob and her GF had an extra one so she gave it to us…hurray! The problem is that it is right outside my office, and it smells delicious.

I bought some decaf cups when she first brought it in, but they are gone. All I have is my lukewarm cup of chai tea and a cup of water. Sad face. Everyday at around 10:30 Anxious Yogi makes coffee and I cry inside. I really couldn’t ask for a better boss though. When I first came out as a non-coffee drinker she teased me relentlessly, tried to make me sniff coffee grounds, and attempted to convince me that just one cup wouldn’t hurt. The next day she told me she felt bad for teasing me and making me cry (this would never happen) and that she was going to quit coffee with me for two weeks. She even let a latte her GF brought her sit on her desk all day…not even a sip. Such a champ. So far my excuse of “coffee gives me  migraines” has worked. She even brought me a decaf coffee when she brought doughnuts for the crew last week, isn’t that tender?

Bosses day is tomorrow I had a great idea for her a while ago, but didn’t know when bosses day was. I can’t remember what it was now. I hope it comes back to me before tomorrow is over.

I know that I can drink coffee while trying to get knocked up, but I decided it wasn’t worth it. At $800 a pop, I want my body to be as ready to make and catch a zygote as possible. I fully plan on drinking coffee once our little fetus is implanted and growing. There is no way I could make it that long. All I want for Christmas is a latte, and a baby too.

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When Smiley Faces Turn Bad

The strangest thing happened, the malicious fertility monitor starting giving me high readings last Wednesday on cycle day 10. The earliest I had ever gotten a high before was cycle day 15. Yes I did go back through all my charts to check. Que panic. Since the earliest I have ever ovulated is day 17, and the cryobank charges an arm and a leg to keep the tank longer than 6 days, the tank wasn’t scheduled to be delivered until day 16, this coming Wednesday.

As with previous cycles, as soon as the monitor said high I started using OPK’s in the afternoon. It was negative. I called Jamie and expressed my freaking outness to her. We agreed we would check my cervix later and then call the bank and schedule the shipment earlier if we needed to. My cervix didn’t seem ready to ovulate so we waited, tested some more and waited. We knew we had to change the shipping by Friday if we were going to, but I didn’t get a positive OPK by then so we decided to stick with the original date.

All weekend I told my body to hold on and to not ovulate until at least Wednesday. Every time I did an OPK I hoped and hoped it would be negative, I just wanted to see the sad little circle face with no facial features, and every time that’s what I got. I never thought I’d be so happy to see a negative test. It was such a different experience from last month where I was peeing on sticks constantly and hoping one would be positive before Jamie left for her business trip. Such a rollercoaster of thoughts, emotions and desires this trying to make a gayby is.

I had lots (lots for me is a little for most people) of egg-white cervical fluid yesterday, my cervix seems about ready to ovulate, but the OPK I just did was still negative. Jamie called the bank this morning and we paid the $50 to have the swim team shipped overnight so it’ll be here tomorrow. Hopefully my body isn’t playing tricks on me again and I’ll get that happy little smiley face soon.

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Mastering Marriage

Marriage is great, at least mine is 😉 It can also be hard, frustrating, and heartbreaking. It hasn’t always been easy and it probably won’t always be easy. Without getting too sappy, I love my wife more than I ever thought I could and I love her more and differently every day. We often talk about not only how lucky we are that we found each other, but that we found each other when we were pretty young (but not so young that we screwed it up). A lot of people get divorced, gay, straight, young old, kids, no kids, rich, poor, yada yada. Divorce doesn’t discriminate.

Last week Wifey and I were talking about a recent separation and divorce and how sad the whole situation is. The typical the grass is greener on the other side story. I came up with some brilliant marriage advice that ought to be at least partially attributed to the abundance of rain we had recently received and how green our grass looked that day.

The grass might seem greener on the other side, and it might even be greener, a lot greener. The thing is that all grass goes through stages. Sometimes it gets dry and yellow, we forget to water it, it doesn’t rain, the dogs run all over it and rip it up, the chickens eat the seed we try to spread. But then, fall comes, it rains, it cools down a bit, and the lawn turns a lovely shade of green. Then BAM, the grass is green on this side again. It always eventually turns green again…every time, you just have to remember that dry patches happen and that the other side turns yellow too.

And there you have it, that is how to make sure your marriage last. As far as making sure your grass doesn’t die all the way before you remember to water it…you’re on your own. Don’t worry, you can thank me later. We also gladly take donations for saving all those marriages out there. It’s hard work, but someone has to do it.

Oh and guess what? It’s cycle day 2. The bank who shall remain nameless has no compassion and is going to charge us $30 per day if we keep the tank longer than 6 days. They might need a hug or something so that they aren’t so inclined to nickel and dime us poor spermless folk.

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