I started this blog to document our journey of growing our little family and becoming parents for us, for our kids, and for anyone else that found it meaningful, funny, relatable, etc. As time has progressed however, it seems that this blog is becoming one about creating a life while another is lost.
We found out I was pregnant at about 7:00 am on Sunday the 28th. On Monday the 29th at 5:30 we found out that my stepmom was being admitted to the hospital to undergo spine surgery. They found a tumor on her spine, the front of her neck, and needed to operate as soon as possible to stabilize her spine so that should would not become paralyzed and to remove the tumor. I got the text from my dad right before I called my sister to tell her the good news. I also knew she didn’t get group texts, which meant I had to also share the bad news.
Jamie and I talked to her son, and our good friend, and asked whether he thought we should tell my dad and his mom about the pregnancy. They have both been really excited about us trying to get knocked up and they ask for updates whenever we see or talk to them. He said “good news is always good news”. We decided to feel it out at the hospital. She didn’t look good. Everyone was much more worried about this surgery than any of the others she’s had. When people were leaving they gave hugs and kisses instead of just saying “I love you” as they walked out of the room. I was scared too and wanted to tell her before surgery, just in case she didn’t make it I guess. I wanted her to know and wanted her to have some good news and something to look forward to. She was in a lot of pain so we decided to wait until her next round of pain medication. They were both really excited and happy.
She had surgery on Wednesday, they were supposed to do both the front and the back, but got behind schedule and only did the back the first day. Then, on Halloween (my birthday and favorite holiday) they did the second surgery. Anxious Yogi sent me home from work early and I straight to the hospital. We waited and waited and waited and finally she got out of surgery at 6:30 that night. Jamie and I waited with my dad and while we sat there watching the patient tracking chart, found out that they also found more tumors in her lower spine, brain, lung, liver, other kidney, and on and on and on. It’s every where. We also found out that back when they found the first brain tumors they gave her 4-6 months to live. That was almost 5 months ago.
Right now she’s still in the neuro critical care unit. She’s not getting enough oxygen. She also got ARDS about 15 years ago, so that certainly isn’t helping with the oxygen problem. To sum it up, it’s been a week of celebration and excited and also a week of coming to terms with reality. I knew when they found out the cancer had metastasized she had less than a 5% chance to live for five years. She’s one of the toughest people I know and I really hoped that if anyone could beat it, she could. Part of me feels like I should accept that she isn’t going to make it. The other part of me wants to hold onto that sliver of hope, the next drug trial, the miracle. I want her to meet our baby and I want our baby to know its grandma.