Monthly Archives: December 2013

And that’s a wrap (on 2013)

Year in Review – 2013

I thought this would be a good and easy way to summarize the past year and it’s been a busy one.

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before? Got pregnant, bought a house. Those are the big things anyway. I also snorkelled for the first time

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions. So no I didn’t keep them and no I won’t make them for next year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my sister had a baby in April. Some friends also had a baby in August. I think that’s all…My cousin had a baby too, but we aren’t close.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope, she’s still holding on

5. What places did you visit? Playa del Carmen, it was great fun, beautiful, adventurous. Probably not somewhere I’d go back but had a good time and it was great to see our friends. Does Vernal count? haha We didn’t really go anywhere else.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? More money? Just kidding. A healthy baby. More time with the family

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day we made our baby, which also happens to be my love’s birthday. The day we found out we were pregnant. The day we got legally married in our home state.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? That’s hard. Biking to work on a fairly regularly basis when it was warmer out was a big goal and achievement of mine. Saving for and buying a house was a pretty big deal.

9. What was your biggest failure? Talking my wife into wasting a vial of sperm. That was not my smartest move

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I got a pretty wicked bone bruise playing basketball this spring. I’ve never experienced such pain before. I guess that means I’m getting older

11. What was the best thing you bought? The house, the other half of our kiddo’s DNA as well and all those adult donor photos. We could have picked a pretty sketchy looking dude if we didn’t. Sometimes what looks good on paper looks so different in reality

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Too many people to say really. I have felt so much love and acceptance from so many people, especially over the last few months. I never guessed so many people would be so thrilled about our pregnancy and marriage. We’re really pretty lucky

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Nearly every politician in Utah, especially Gov. Herbert and Swallow. Can’t forget the lovely Gayle Ruzicka.

14. Where did most of your money go? The house, and sperm. and the two best things we bought so I can’t complain

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Honestly, the thing that made me the most excited was being able to legally marry my wife in bloody freaking Utah. Most people that know me know that I don’t outwardly express my emotions often, but all of my coworkers thought it was just adorable how excited I was.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013? I don’t really listen to music on the radio so I’m not sure I could tell you many songs that came out in 2013. I would say the “32” the parody of “22” that could very well have been 2012, but it reminds me of 2013 and I LOVE it!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? a little bit of both
b) thinner or fatter? about the same…for now
c) richer or poorer? definitely richer, 2012 was not a good year for money

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Spending time with family, especially Tough Cookie. We had a bit of a falling out about a year ago and spent the first few months of 2013 not really talking much at all. I really really wish I could go back and do that whole thing differently. I also wish we would have spent more time in the outdoors. We did a lot of hiking, but no backpacking and only went camping once I think.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Binge watching tv shows on netflix. It is so addicting and so easy to do, especially when it’s cold out and you don’t have the energy to do anything else.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2013? We spend Christmas Eve with my mom, sister and her family. It was really fun. We woke up and opened presents and then drove 3 hours to spend Christmas with my wife’s family for a few hours and then drove back. Maybe I should consider Jamie’s request to get her pilot license after all.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013? I fall more in love with my wife ever single day. I am falling in love with Bubbles. I continue to fall in love with nature and the beauty of our state (and the places we travel)

22. What was your favorite TV program? Hmmm probably Orange is the New Black

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2013? Jamie and I had the most amazing joint birthday party ever. I turned 31 on the 31st, you only have a golden birthday once, so we had a huge party at an indoor trampoline park. It was tons of fun.

24. What was the best book you read? This is a hard one,  Room and Hood by Emma Donaghue were both really good. I need to read more in 2014 for sure.  After being in school for a looooong time I mostly read silly books this year.

25. What did you want and get? Pregnant for sure.

26. What did you want and not get? Tough Cookie to get better, beat cancer and stick around for a long long time

27. What was your favorite film of this year? Concussion was by far one of the best lesbian films I’ve ever seen. Fruitvale Station was a stellar flick. Runners up: The Way Way Back, The Heat, and Gravity

28. Did you make some new friends this year? es Yes I did, quite a few actually

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Less winter and more summer?

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? non existent. I need a new casual wardrobe

31. What kept you sane? Oh I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem staying sane

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? fancy as in think they are extremely good looking? Jennifer Nettles, only cause she looks so much like my sexy wife.  Fancy as in think they are an amazing kick ass woman? Wendy Davis

33. What political issue stirred you the most? All of them? All of the anti-abortion bills and anything to do with LGBT rights

34. Who did you miss? I miss all my friends from grad school.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013. I’d say I learned to enjoy the time I have with the people I love. It’s not always easy to do, especially if the other folks aren’t on the same page, but it’s worth trying

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I now pronounce you wife and wife

Friday, December 20th started out pretty bad. I’ve been exhausted over the last few weeks with everything going on with Tough Cookie, trying to get ready for Christmas and finishing our dining room project, sleep has eluded me. I  spent  all day Thursday at my dad and Tough Cookie’s house taking “care” of her. She was worried about my pregnant self lifting her up and down but I’m pretty tough too. At least I was until I woke up on Friday. I woke up with a migraine and an incredibly sore back. I texted Anxious Yogi and let her know I wasn’t feeling good and would be in to the office later. I laid in bed trying ice packs and hot packs, sleeping and meditation. Eventually I decided I had to get to work so I got up took some tylenol and headed off. I barely showered and threw my barely long enough hair into somewhat of a pony tail. Short story, I looked terrible and felt almost as terrible.

That afternoon at about 2:20 I checked fb. I was shocked to see a post from some LGBT organization (there were so many, I don’t remember which one I saw first) and a link to a local paper’s story that a federally appointed district judge named Robert J. Shelby  issued a ruling that found the State of Utah’s Constitutional Amendment 3 (proclaiming marriage to be only between one man and one woman) to be unconstitutional. I had been following the case very closely. The hearing was a few weeks prior and Shelby said he’d make a decision by his self-imposed deadline of January 7th. I thought nothing would happen until then. I was pretty confident that he would rule in the favor of equality, he was appointed by Obama after all. I definitely did NOT expect him to not issue a stay with his ruling.

I scrolled through my news feed seeing post after post about the ruling. Then, I saw one from the Utah Pride Center that said “Breaking News: Judge Shelby has struck down Utah’s ban on Same Sex Marriage. We will keep you updated with news as the day progresses! If you are part of a same sex couple wanting to get married, now is the time to visit the clerks office!”

I texted Jamie at and this is how the convo went.

2:26 me: Guess what guess what?

2:27 J: omg! What!

2:27 me: The judge struck down Utah’s ban on marriage.

2:31 me: There is no stay so we can file for a license immediately

2:54 J: Omg!

2:55 me: We can get a license today

2:55 J: Oh my

2:56 me: Can you leave early? They are only open till 5 and not open on the weekend

2:57 J: yes

2:58 J: I’m in flannel and snow boots!

The last text is my personal favorite.  I ran downstairs and told my many gay coworkers and boss that we could get married in Utah…right NOW. They thought my excitement was just adorable. After a phone call and a few more texts, J and I decided to leave work right then and get married that day. I told my boss I was going to get married and raced home. Jamie kept calling because she was stuck in traffic. There was an accident and she was worried we wouldn’t make it in time. She called some of our best friends and asked them to come be our witnesses. While I waited for her, I made myself look a more presentable for my wedding day. When she finally got home, Jamie changed out of her flannel and snow boots. Then, we raced around the house tearing it apart looking for her passport. Xena took a bite out of her driver’s license and we didn’t want to risk them not accepting it as valid ID. Finally we found it, it a suitcase of course, and Jamie drove like a Nascar driver to the County Clerk’s office. By now it was just after 4:00 pm.

We ran in and immediately saw two couples (close friends of ours) who had each just gotten married. They came with us upstairs and we began our long long wait. The line didn’t look that long, but it took us nearly two hours to get to the front. During those two hours we experienced every emotion possible. When we were close to the front we heard the State of Utah was filing a for an emergency stay. We were so scared that we weren’t going to be able to get married, everyone was. There were constant cheers as couples were married downstairs. When word of the emergency stay request spread, officiants and ministers came upstairs and started marrying couples right there in the middle of the crowd. It was so many things; chaotic, beautiful, loving, romantic and not all at the same time. News cameras were everywhere.

Finally we got our license and quickly found a minister ready to marry a couple. It turns out he is the brother of one of my sister’s best friends. Small world. I had grabbed our vows from our ceremony 3 1/2 years ago. I read mine as fast as I could. Jamie said her vows and then we repeated the traditional vows and promises after the minister. And then he said, by the power vested in me by the State of Utah, I now pronounce you wife and wife. The best words I have ever heard.

We were now legally married. Both of our names will be on Bubbles’ birth certificate. Jamie can put Bubbles on her insurance. We don’t have to go to another state to get married, pretend to be residents, and get an expensive 2nd parent adoption months after Bubbles is born. Our baby will be both of ours in the eyes of our home state. The one we reluctantly decided to move back to so that we could be near our families. We had to put our desire to raise our kids near their family over the legal protection of our family, not an easy decision to make, and now we get to have both.

2 1/2 years ago, while strolling along a beach in South Africa, Jamie and I made a bet. I, the ever optimist, declared that we would be able to get legally married in Utah within 10 years. Jamie was not convinced. I said that if I won the bet, she had to take me to Fiji to celebrate our legal marriage. If she won, well then no one really won. Fiji here we come! It’ll have to wait until Bubbles gets here, but I can’t wait. To be honest, being able to call my wife my wife without a clarification that we aren’t really legally married.



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The black sheep of the rainbow sheep

When I started this blog I thought I would write a lot about being gay in Utah and raising kids here and I haven’t really done that. There’s been a lot of other stuff going on and taking up my thoughts.

Many people are surprised to find out that this ultra red conservative state, known as the home of the Mormons/LDS also has the highest percentage of same sex couples raising kids.  Okay well Salt Lake City does…not Utah, but still. This really should not be that surprising though. For many Mormons, family is the most important thing. They may have a strange way of showing it, especially when their family members come out as LGBTQ, but it’s true. It is my opinion (I haven’t done any real research here, just anecdotal evidence) that all these former Mormon LGBTQ folk, stick around this crazy conservative state because family is so important. It’s why were decided to move back here.

I’m not Mormon, I never was. Sure I went to the LDS church here and there and wanted to get baptized like many of my friends when I was 8, but I’m not a former Mormon. A wise man I call my father told me I wasn’t old enough or mature enough at 8 years old to make that decision, but that when I was 18 if I still wanted to, I could. I didn’t want to by the time I was 8 1/2. My parents were LDS, they got married in the temple and all that jazz. To make a long story short one day my dad basically left the church and I’m so glad he did.

Now I say all this to follow it with my coming out as the black sheep of the rainbow sheep. Every single one of my and Jamie’s lesbian friends and acquaintances, including Jamie, used to be Mormon. Some of them are still struggling with what it means to be gay and Mormon, many of them served LDS missions.  Every woman I’ve ever dated was raised Mormon. Every single time we socialize with other gay people I feel like the kid in school who was treated and looked at differently because I wasn’t Mormon. These people are all great and I like and even love some of them. I just have to wonder, am I really the only one?

We, they rather, converse about telling their church leaders about being gay, their missions, how their LDS families have reacted to their coming out, recent developments in the LDS church, their anger at the LDS church, etc. etc. etc. There is nothing wrong with this of course and I’m so so so glad that all of these people have each other to support and understand them. But sometimes, I feel like that new kid at school all over again who has to explain to everyone over and over again that I don’t belong to any ward, any stake, or any religion, and that doesn’t make me a bad and scary person as I watch them back away as if I just said that I have a contagious disease or steal from the elderly. Our friends don’t treat me this way it’s just an association, as my therapist wife would say. It’s surprising to me that after all these years those feelings of being judged,mistreated, and discriminated against are still there. I have very negative feelings about the LDS church too, but mine are for very different reasons than theirs.

For brief moments I wonder if we made the wrong choice, if we should have moved somewhere else. Somewhere more love and accepting and less judgmental and discriminatory. But then I remember how much I love my family and how much my wife loves hers and it makes all the awkward lesbian gatherings worth it. It might be time to try to break down some associations and it wouldn’t hurt to find some not former LDS lesbian friends.

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A glorious sight

A few days late, but as promised here are the first photos of our precious Bubbles






Bubbles was measuring right on track at 9 weeks and 2 days with a heart rate of 173 beat per minute. I could have done with a more friendly ultrasound tech, but it was a great experience. I had definitely prepared myself for the worst and was so glad and surprised to see a beating little heart and embryo in there (we upgrade to a fetus this week). Bubbles was pretty still, but was kicking its legs around and even waved once.

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Painting, painting, and snow

Not much is happening in pregnant life these days. We picked a midwife. I need to come up with a blog name for her. We weren’t sure it would work out because some department chair was threatening to take away her hospital admitting privileges if she didn’t shut down her homebirth business, but it did work out. Our first appointment with her is tomorrow, and our first ultrasound. I am beyond excited to see Bubbles.

Everything is just trucking along. I still feel nauseous most of the time. Food isn’t super appealing at all. When I am hungry there is one and only one thing that ever sounds even slightly edible and of course it’s not what I brought for lunch. If someone else makes food, it is much more appetizing. Isn’t that so weird? I don’t really get it.

I did manage to eat Thanksgiving dinner. I was worried we’d cook all day and then Bubbles would protest, but I stuffed my thankful little face. Thanksgiving was different. That’s the only word I can think to describe it. We had hoped Tough Cookie would be strong enough to go home by then, but she wasn’t. Jamie and I cooked up a delicious feast and brought it to my dad at the nursing home. We ate and chatted together. Tough Cookie wasn’t really there. She slept a lot. She’s spent most of the last few weeks sleeping and being extremely confused and confusing. She was better when I saw her two days ago, but sometimes she just says things that make no sense, to anyone. She was more herself though, so maybe it was just the drugs and brain swelling and we’ll have her back soon, at least for a while.

You know it’s winter when you get excited to see 35° int he forecast. It turned into winter here this week. It snowed ALL day on Tuesday. Like ALLLL day. It is about 5° outside. I hate winter and it’s even worse because I can’t snowboard this year. I need to get into an exercise routine, but it’s already dark and I’m still at work and did I mention it’s way below freezing outside. I just want summer back. Bubbles is going to be so glad we chose a summer birthday for him/her, best parenting decision ever!

In happy news, Jamie has been painting our dining room. We are putting up molding and wainscoting and it’s going to be stunning. It is kumquat orange on the top half of the wall and will be, I think, ultra pure white on the bottom. I almost went with polar bear just for the name, but Jamie said she wanted super white so I decided to be practical. Hopefully we’ll finish it up this weekend and I’ll come back with an after picture to show it off. We also bought some super awesome curtains on cyber monday which just arrived yesterday. We bought the house and moved in 7 months ago and it’s finally starting to look and feel like home. Next we’ll paint the kitchen and start working on the mural for Bubbles’ room.

Here’s a before and in progress of the dining room. Nevermind you only get an in progress, Jamie must have deleted the before pics off the camera.










Don’t worry folks, the retro green and yellow table won’t be staying in the orange room. We aren’t that colorful. I’ll be back tomorrow with a the first photo of Bubbles (fingers crossed, and keep them crossed that their is just one Bubbles and not two Bubbleses)

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