Monthly Archives: September 2015

The Sperm of Many Hoops

We always wanted at least 2 kids. After Nature Boy* was born, J brought up having 4 kids. And yes I did have a minor freak out. She comes from a family of 4 kids and I come from a family of 3. Also losing my stepmom and having my mom diagnosed with cancer made us think that we wanted to give our kids a bigger support system for when we get old and are no longer around. So 4 is the current plan (only having 1 might make that seem more realistic, we’ll update after 2).

We also knew we wanted our kids between 2 and 3 years apart, but closer to 2. Which, for all you math whizzes out there, means it’s time to start trying to make a baby. Sometimes I feel totally ready and excited and other times I feel like we are barely surviving now, how will we survive 2 babies that don’t sleep through the night, and both go to work the next day? I also think about Nature Boy and how much I want him to have siblings to grow up and play with, basically to share his life with, and that outweighs all the fears and hesitations that I have.

So we are jumping back on the TTC train ready or not.

Or at least we were. We were going to try last month, but the bank told us we needed up update forms since it had been 2 years (barely) and one form was a medical certification form (also known as get permission from a dr. to get sperm sent to your house). Unfortunately, it was Labor Day weekend. J called her dr. office and found out her dr. was on maternity leave and no one else would sign it. Then she talked to someone else who said they would. I faxed her the form and then crickets. We left for our little Labor Day getaway and hoped it would all work out. Well it didn’t and one of the women at the bank was unnecessarily rude about it all. If we didn’t already have vials and didn’t care about our kids sharing genetics, we’d be seriously considered using another bank. So last month didn’t work out and it’s probably for the best. We had a super busy weekend on the possible insemination days and we all caught an awful tummy bug on our Labor Day vacay, so it wasn’t even close to ideal.

Here we are now approaching attempt #2 of TTC #2. J talked to the bank yesterday to make sure they got her medical form. They did, but said they didn’t have all the other forms we sent. So, after talking for a while, we realized they put them in my file and were her making J register as a client with them. Which is not just checking a box.  It includes a $75 fee and an hour long consult with their nurse practitioner and me authorizing the vials we already purchased to be released to J. Seriously folks. This is ridiculous. We thought we were finally done jumping through hoops and being nickled and dimed.

Then today, J called me to let me know the consult was done, they have all the forms, but now she has to have some sort of psych eval done because she, like 22% of Utahns*, suffers from depression and anxiety. There is a call in to her therapist, who she has already discussed pregnancy and postpartum with before we decided to go forward with her carrying #2.

I could write a novel about how discriminatory this is. I could list all the medical conditions that don’t require approval in order to buy sperm. Ones that are just as serious, ones that are just as deadly, ones that impact your ability to parent. Example: I suffer from migraines. They are awful. I’ve had one for 3 days now. I can barely take care of myself let alone a child when I have a migraine. They didn’t make me get a dr. note, essentially giving me permission to get pregnant, in order to get the sperm I purchased sent to me. I am beyond angry.

I am angry because suffering from depression should not be treated any different than suffering from migraines. I don’t suffer from depression, but I can imagine that the assumption that you cannot or should not be pregnant and/or have children (or need someone else’s permission to do so) could be quite triggering for someone who does. It makes me want to lie in order to not have my wife treated differently. It also makes me want to call them up and demand they treat all illnesses the same.

For now I will focus on the positive and what a great big brother Nature Boy is going to be. He loves taking care of his babies and even the little neighbor he has been sharing his nanny with.

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It’s hilarious when baby drinks water

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Getting baby ready for a ride in the stroller

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Showing lamb how to play with the bouncey chair

* Nature Boy shall be M’s new blog name

* Utah is home to the highest rate of depression in the U.S.

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A new chapter

Today is the second day I haven’t pumped at work in well over a year. I have a lot of feelings about this. Some good, some not so good. I think overall it’s a signifier that my baby isn’t a baby anymore. He is growing up…much too quickly.

When our new nanny started a couple of weeks ago, M (I need to think of a blog name for him) would not take a bottle from her. He was down to just 3-4 oz before each of his naps before the nanny switch. We had her try a regular cup with lunch and  a straw cup and he just does not want milk unless it comes straight from the tap.

So, I gave it a few days to see if it was just a fluke. He wouldn’t take milk from J either when she stayed home with him. No reason to keep pumping then. First, I cut down to one pumping session a day. Then next week I did that one session later in the day.

Yesterday was my first day not pumping at all. I was super engorged when I got home and M wanted to nurse, but not for long. Poor kid has a cold, which makes nursing hard. I finally had to pump because it was getting painful. Boo, I hope today goes a little better.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think he will wean anytime soon. He still nurses all night long most nights and frequently during the day when I am home. He has a new habit which involves him sticking his hands in my shirt ALL the time. Seriously kid, they are attached, you don’t have to keep checking to make sure. Nursing a toddler is definitely different than a newborn, both with things to love and despise. One of his favorite places to nurse is in the bath. He gets so excited for bath time and tries to rip of his clothes and diaper and climb into the tub as fast as he can. And then he dive bombs for the milk.*

I remember when I thought it was weird to nurse a toddler, but now I can’t imagine anything different. I don’t ever want ever force him to wean. Right now I imagine he’ll self-wean between 2-3ish. The other day I was walking with J’s mom and mentioned that I could help breastfeed #2 if M is still nursing when we have #2. Her response was “I sure hope you aren’t” and told me a story about a kid who would come ask to nurse and was around 3 and how inappropriate it was. Sigh. I didn’t say anything, but I am really not looking forward to the judgements of nursing a toddler. I have a friend who has made similar comments. I wish someone could explain to me why other people get so emotional about how long another woman decides to breastfeed.

So here we are entering a new chapter. We now have a toddler who eats 3 meals and multiple snacks a day and doesn’t drink bottles of milk. He loves to drink water, wants to run faster than his toddler coordination will let him, is the sweetest thing ever, and as hard as it is to say goodbye to the pump (who would have thought) I am going to embrace my new freedom in wardrobe and time, and find something fun to do with him in those extra 10 minutes I have been spending won’t be spending every day getting pumping supplies and bottles of milk ready.

*We co-bathe, always have. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to give him a bath while not in the tub with him.

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