The Worry Machine

One of the most difficult adjustments for me as a parent has been the constant worrying.

I am, by nature, not a person that worries. I don’t worry about bad things happening to me. I’m overly trusting and optimistic. I don’t worry about being robbed or anything like that. I don’t worry that someone will get sick or that something bad will happen to someone I love. But my goodness, ever since Nature Boy was born, I constantly worry about him. Sometimes they are rational worries and sometimes they are extremely irrational.

Right after he was born I had the most vivid and awful “day dreams” or visions about just terrible things happening to him. Most of the time whatever happened was my fault. Thanks a lot postpartum hormones. That doesn’t happen as much now. Now, I worry that he’ll have autism (the rates here are the 2nd highest in the U.S.). I worry that he won’t be healthy-physically or mentally. And then I feel bad for thinking those things. I worry that he won’t be happy. I worry that one day he won’t be able to stand us (his parents). I worry that he’ll resent us working instead of staying home with him. It’s so hard to shut it off.

We often call Nature Boy our backwards baby. He has done a lot of things backwards.

He walked before he crawled, his first word was “twinkle” not “mama” or “no”, the majority of the signs he uses have everything to do with nature and nothing to do with communicating his needs, he likes french onion soup and hates strawberries, he rolled once and never again for months, and he ran before he could get to standing position by himself.

Thankfully, our pediatrician is amazing. Every time we have a concern, she assures us that whatever it is, is a variation of “normal”. At his 6 month visit he wasn’t even trying to crawl and “tummy-time” lasted 5 seconds or less until the screaming started and she told us not to worry. At his 9 month visit when he still refused to be on his tummy, was showing no signs of crawling or pulling up, but was almost walking, she again said not to worry and said he’d be in the 6% of kids who go straight to walking. At his 12 month visit when he was walking, but still couldn’t stand up on his own, she was perplexed and said she’d read up on some stuff, but again said not to worry. At his 15 month visit when he was running, but still couldn’t get up from sitting, we were really starting to worry. Again she said to keep working with him and that although extremely odd, he didn’t show any other signs of something serious going on.

Well, on Sunday at 15 1/2 months old, Nature Boy finally stood up from a seated position. We shouted “Hip, Hip, Hurray!” as he alternated between thrusting his arms into the air in celebration and clapping. There was hugging and kissing and pride-so much pride-from Nature Boy of course. We are proud of him too, but he is sooo much more proud of himself which is so cute to see.

And then I breathed a sigh of relief and marked one thing of my worry list.

And a few pictures of our recent shenanigans.

Classic Nature Boy face

Classic Nature Boy face


So happy to be on a tractor

Oh and I think we’re 1 or 2 DPO. J seems like she’s not going to be a test-a-holic like me so this could be a looong wait.

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