Category Archives: Inseminations and deliberations

And then we wait

Well try # 8 was a bust. I did the math finally at it was 3 at home ICI’s, 3 unmedicated IUI’s and 2 medicated IUI’s. With the 2 medicated IUI’s J released 2 eggs each time and still didn’t get pregnant. When we met with our RE last week she said that based on what we’ve done so far (that hasn’t worked) the chance that, at this point, a medicated IUI will result in pregnancy for us is less than 8% a cycle. So, we decided to move forward with IVF.

When AF first came, J (who was away for work at the time) texted and said I should carry. Then next morning she texted and said she wanted to do IVF. This whole time she’s been really not interested in doing IVF. No way, no how. But evolution is a funny thing I guess. She wants a kid that shares her genetics and I want one that shares her genetics too. I do think she is pretty amazing after all.

We had an overwhelming and positive IVF consult appointment last week. It was SOOOO much information. My step-brother is getting married next month, and it was already CD 8, so we had to push our timeline back quite a bit. What’s a few more weeks when you’ve been trying for 10 months? So J will start the protocol next cycle and we’ll cross our fingers that we are in the 65-70% that will get pregnant. She still has to get an AMH test done and we have no clue how we are really going to pay for it, but we’re jumping in.

Any IVF tips, reading recommendations, suggestions, support are welcome.

In Nature Boy news, the other day he said he was a boy, that J was a boy and when asked if I was a boy or a girl he said “milkies” hahaha that’s all I am to him ūüėČ

He also recently said that he and I both have green peacocks living in our belly buttons.

And that grandma is the President of the U.S.

Toddlers are awesome and he’s so much fun.


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Not so Easy

I miss blogging. Life has been a whirlwind since Nature Boy was born, and even more so the last 8 months or so. Some things are easier and some things are harder. I haven’t made time to come here and I miss it. We’ve been working on #2 for a while now and I’ve really missed being among a community of others who are trying, and failing, and succeeding to add to their families. So I’m going to attempt to come back here and reconnect with this space and this community.

To make a long, and honestly quite boring, story short we’ve been TTC #2 since September of last year. This time J is hopefully going to carry. We started out with at home ICI’s again and after those few tries, I decided that it is really a miracle I ever got pregnant that way. After a disaster with FedEx, we took a few months off and opted for a fertility clinic recommended by friends of ours. We did 3 unmedicated and unmonitored IUI’s. All BFN’s. Last month we did a medicated and monitored IUI, another BFN. And now we’re headed for a 2nd medicated and monitored IUI tomorrow. Phew, that exhausts me just to write it out.

We’re not sure what we will do if this attempt doesn’t work. We have 2 purchased vials left of the same donor (Socrates) we used to get Nature Boy. Last time we called the bank he had less than¬†20 vials, so we’re feeling like we need to make the most of what we have. We’ve discussed IVF and going back to me carrying. Neither option sounds super appealing. I do want to be pregnant again, but the timing is off. I just got a big promotion at work and Nature Boy is still nursing. At this rate I think he’ll be nursing until he’s 5. So we still have some thinking and deciding to do.

But I’m slightly hopeful that this IUI will ¬†work and we won’t have to go with either option. It’s hard to stay hopeful though. We’re reaching the point where people that starting trying when we did are having babies. It sucks.



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CD 1

Well it’s CD 1. I was hoping we’d get luck with 1 try, but didn’t really expect it to happen that quickly. Looking at J’s chart, I think our timing was pretty good. It’s hard to temp when you co sleep with a toddler who doesn’t sleep, but it seems like the timing was good. We have 2 more vials before we need to buy more and/or figure out a new plan. Onward and upward we go.

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The Worry Machine

One of the most difficult adjustments for me as a parent has been the constant worrying.

I am, by nature, not a person that worries. I don’t worry about bad things happening to me. I’m overly trusting and optimistic. I don’t worry about being robbed or anything like that. I don’t worry that someone will get sick or that something bad will happen to someone I love. But my goodness, ever since Nature Boy was born, I constantly worry about him. Sometimes they are rational worries and sometimes they are extremely irrational.

Right after he was born I had¬†the most vivid and awful “day dreams” or visions about just terrible things happening to him. Most of the time whatever happened was my fault. Thanks¬†a lot¬†postpartum hormones. That doesn’t happen as much now. Now, I worry that he’ll have autism (the rates here are the 2nd highest in the U.S.). I worry that he won’t be healthy-physically or mentally. And then I feel bad for¬†thinking those things. I worry that he won’t be happy. I worry that one day he won’t be able to stand us (his parents). I worry that he’ll resent us working instead of staying home with him. It’s so hard to shut it off.

We often call Nature Boy our backwards baby. He has done a lot of things backwards.

He walked before he crawled, his first word was “twinkle” not “mama” or “no”, the majority of the signs he uses have everything to do with nature and nothing to do with communicating his needs, he likes french onion soup and hates strawberries, he rolled once and never again for months, and he ran before he could get to standing position by himself.

Thankfully, our pediatrician is amazing. Every time we have a concern, she assures us that whatever it is, is a variation of “normal”. At his 6 month visit he wasn’t even trying to crawl and “tummy-time” lasted 5 seconds or less until the screaming started and she told us not to worry. At his 9 month visit when he still refused to be on his tummy, was showing no signs of crawling or pulling up, but was almost walking, she again said not to worry and said he’d be in the 6% of kids who go straight to walking. At his 12 month visit when he was walking, but still couldn’t stand up on his own, she was perplexed and said she’d read up on some stuff, but again said not to worry. At his 15 month visit when he was running, but still couldn’t get up from sitting, we were really starting to worry. Again she said to keep working with him and that although extremely odd, he didn’t show any other signs of something serious going on.

Well, on Sunday at 15¬†1/2 months old, Nature Boy finally stood up from a seated position. We shouted “Hip, Hip, Hurray!” as he alternated between thrusting his arms into the air in celebration and clapping. There was hugging and kissing and pride-so much pride-from Nature Boy of course. We are proud of him too, but he is sooo much more proud of himself which is so cute to see.

And then I breathed a sigh of relief and marked one thing of my worry list.

And a few pictures of our recent shenanigans.

Classic Nature Boy face

Classic Nature Boy face


So happy to be on a tractor

Oh and I think we’re 1 or 2 DPO. J seems like she’s not going to be a test-a-holic like me so this could be a looong wait.

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Once upon a time there was a positive pregnancy test

The first week of the two week wait went by surprisingly fast. After our BFF left I really only had to wait for about a week to test. I talked to Jamie too see where she was at with testing early. After our first try, I started testing really early and then caught the testing bug and couldn’t stop. It was really devastating for Jamie to see the negative tests everyday so I stopped telling her when I tested. But she knew I was taking them and that they were all negative. She said she didn’t care this time, which as the amazing wife that I am, knew was a lie.

I broke down and tested on Friday, which was 9 days past ovulation (DPO) with a cheapie internet test and it was negative. That night Jamie asked if I tested, I said yes, ¬†then she asked if it was negative. I said that it was positive I definitely would have told her as soon as I took it. That would be so rude if I didn’t tell her about a positive right way. I didn’t test on Saturday, that night we went to a Thriller dance performance with Jamie’s little sis which was really fun, creepy but fun. Little sis and her boyfriend ended up staying the night so they didn’t have to drive 3 hours back home late at night. ¬†They are cute little Mormon’s. We let them sleep in the same room, which was a big deal apparently. We put two beds in there and let them decide how snugly they wanted to be. One of the fun things about living in “Zion” is lots of young kids with raging hormones, trying to remain temple worthy and not have sex or snuggle too much, which leads to soaking and lots of 18 and 19 years old kids getting married, which is a post for another day).

Sunday would be 11 DPO and I knew I wanted to test, but we have a cozy little bungalow. I had already hidden all signs of baby making, fertility monitor, pregnancy tests, books. We weren’t sure how her family would respond to our adventures in gayby making and I didn’t want to wake them up with my testing shenanigans.

Sunday I woke up really early, thanks to tracking my temperature like a champ. I tried to go back to sleep but my bladder told me it was going to explode so I complied. Who wants to clean up after an exploded bladder? Not me.¬†I sneakily, and as quietly as the second most clumsiest person in the world can, found a couple of tests a (store brand early test and another internet cheapie) . I did the potty dance for waaay too long while I was looking for and trying to open them in my half slumbered state, hoping not to wake the sleeping little Mormons in the next room. I didn’t stare at the test for 2 minutes this time like usual. I set a timer on my phone and started at the Indian Ocean off the coast of South Africa









Isn’t it beautiful?

The timer went off and I tried to quickly turn it off, it was an awful sound and I was sure that it woke up everyone up. I looked at the early test and said holy shit is that a line? No way I thought. I picked up it and sure enough I could see the faintest of faint lines. I ran/walked quietly back to our bedroom and turned on the light, but of course at that moment the bulb died, seriously. I hopped into bed.¬†¬†Jamie is not a morning person. Okay, that’s a lie. Jamie has the least amount of morning person in her of anyone I have ever met. She was out like a rock.

Me: I want to show you something ( as I fumble around with my phone trying to find the flashlight)

Jamie: Okay show me (groggily with her eyes still closed)

Me: You have to wake up for me to show you silly

Jamie: What is it? (finally opens her eyes)

Me: I think there is a line, do you see a line?

Jamie: No…maybe a little. I need to see a darker line to believe it

So I got out the computer and searched for “faint positive pregnancy tests” I showed her and then she believed it. We hugged and cried and kissed. Jamie did silent dancing and fist pumping in the air, declaring herself the best inseminator in the world (it’s true).

Then I remembered that I left the other test in the bathroom and hurried and got it before the kids woke up. There aren’t really kids at 19, but they seem so young. It had a faint line as well. We continued our celebration in near silence and even though we didn’t get to sleep until about 2am we couldn’t go back to sleep.

We told my mom later that day and she was thrilled. I expected her to get all teary, she’s a big crier, but she didn’t. She said she knew that’s why we were coming over and cried about it earlier. ¬†It felt weird rushing to tell people, but so many people knew that we were trying. I knew they would ask the next time they called and I can’t lie. I wanted to make sure we told people in person instead of over the phone so we told a couple friends and my mom and then called my sisters that night to tell them. I’ve taken a few more tests including this morning to make sure they are still positive and so far so positive.

Test 1 & 2, Sunday

Test 1 & 2, Sunday










Test 3, Monday

Test 3, Monday










Test 4, Tuesday

Test 4, Tuesday










Test 5, Thursday after I felt period like cramps I tested after work

Test 5, Thursday after I felt period like cramps I tested after work











Test 6, Friday

Test 6, Friday










I can probably stop testing I guess. Now my period is officially late and I’ve called a few midwives to schedule consultations so it’s all starting to feel kind of real. We also found out that our due date is really close to our anniversary, which is July 8th. So we inseminated on Jamie’s birthday, found out right before mine, and the little one might come on our anniversary. How cool is that?

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I saw the signs (and felt them too)

So….I’m pregnant. We got a positive on Sunday morning (well two) and another yesterday. I’m nauseous, my boobs feel like they were run over by a truck and my brain seems to be on vacation.

I’ll come back with more later after I finish this beastly report for work, ¬†but I couldn’t wait to share.

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Our baby is going to be a fiddler

A good friend came to visit last week and wanted to go to a concert on Wednesday night. I have a pretty intense love for music, many many kinds of music, but I’ve never been much of a folk/bluegrass/gospel fan. Guess what kind of concert it was? Crazy folk/bluegrass/gospel did I mention crazy? ¬†We sucked it up and had a pretty good time and after the most intense fiddling ¬†I have ever seen I am sure that our baby is going to be a fiddler. I’m not sure if fiddling is a thing, but since playing the drums is called drumming I figured it was fairly possible.

Fertility Friends says I am 6 DPO, but I’m going with 5 DPO. It was a whirlwind of a cycle, because why have a ¬†nice normal cycle like everyone else? That’d be boring. We decided to have the bank overnight the swim team and then didn’t end up using inseminating until their originally scheduled date of arrival. Silly kids. Jamie described $50 as pennies in this process (we’re big ballers now) so we figured we could pay pennies to have peace of mind.

Then, she left half of our future baby at work and had to drive through horrendous traffic to go back and get the swim team. It’s a good thing we’ll have a while to get used to caring for someone else. We don’t want to be leaving our baby at work. yikes!

Then I ran out of OPK’s. Those fancy little pee sticks are a lot cheaper on the interweb, but I snuck away from work and paid lots of pennies for those too. I got a positive at about 1pm on Wednesday. Our friend arrived at about 3pm. He met me at my office and ate gingersnaps and pistachios with us to celebrate bosses day. Yes Anxious Yogi picked gingersnaps and pistachios for her favorite treat. I left work with him at about 4 and we headed to our place. Jamie and I had decided we should just tell our friend that we were going to be inseminating, but hadn’t really talked about what we’d say or how much detail to go into. Well, as soon as we sat down (Jamie was still at work) he asked me how getting pregnant was going. So I said “Well we aren’t pregnant yet, but we are going to try tonight” To which he replied “So how does that work?” So then of course I went to get the tank out of our bedroom and we had a nice little frozen sperm, cryobank lesson. Jamie got home during the lesson and was quite relieved that I had the pleasure of explaining our midnight shenanigans.

He was a great sport, not awkward at all. He decided that we have to get pregnant this cycle so that he can tell people “I’m not saying I’m the father, I’m just saying I was the only man in the house when the baby was conceived”.

So now we wait. I haven’t decided if I will test early or not. I have a bunch of cheap tests so I think I might as well…but I don’t want a negative so there is that too.

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I hate coffee

Okay that’s a lie I am trying to tell myself. I love coffee and I miss coffee, so very much.

A couple of months ago my boss, Anxious Yogi, brought in a keurig for us to use upstairs (yes even though we only have 8 staff members we have two floors…it’s complicated). See, Anxious Yogi is kind of a coffee snob and her GF had an extra one so she gave it to us…hurray! The problem is that it is right outside my office, and it smells delicious.

I bought some decaf cups when she first brought it in, but they are gone. All I have is my lukewarm cup of chai tea and a cup of water. Sad face. Everyday at around 10:30 Anxious Yogi makes coffee and I cry inside. I really couldn’t ask for a better boss though. When I first came out as a non-coffee drinker she teased me relentlessly, tried to make me sniff coffee grounds, and attempted to convince me that just one cup wouldn’t hurt. The next day she told me she felt bad for teasing me and making me cry (this would never happen) and that she was going to quit coffee with me for two weeks. She even let a latte her GF brought her sit on her desk all day…not even a sip. Such a champ. So far my excuse of “coffee gives me ¬†migraines” has worked. She even brought me a decaf coffee when she brought doughnuts for the crew last week, isn’t that tender?

Bosses day is tomorrow I had a great idea for her a while ago, but didn’t know when bosses day was. I can’t remember what it was now. I hope it comes back to me before tomorrow is over.

I know that I can drink coffee while trying to get knocked up, but I decided it wasn’t worth it. At $800 a pop, I want my body to be as ready to make and catch a zygote as possible. I fully plan on drinking coffee once our little fetus is implanted and growing. There is no way I could make it that long. All I want for Christmas is a latte, and a baby too.

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When Smiley Faces Turn Bad

The strangest thing happened, the malicious fertility monitor starting giving me high readings last Wednesday on cycle day 10. The earliest I had ever gotten a high before was cycle day 15. Yes I did go back through all my charts to check. Que panic. Since the earliest I have ever ovulated is day 17, and the cryobank charges an arm and a leg to keep the tank longer than 6 days, the tank wasn’t scheduled to be delivered until day 16, this coming Wednesday.

As with previous cycles, as soon as the monitor said high I started using OPK’s in the afternoon. It was negative. I called Jamie and expressed my freaking outness to her. We agreed we would check my cervix later and then call the bank and schedule the shipment earlier if we needed to. My cervix didn’t seem ready to ovulate so we waited, tested some more and waited. We knew we had to change the shipping by Friday if we were going to, but I didn’t get a positive OPK by then so we decided to stick with the original date.

All weekend I told my body to hold on and to not ovulate until at least Wednesday. Every time I did an OPK I hoped and hoped it would be negative, I just wanted to see the sad little circle face with no facial features, and every time that’s what I got. I never thought I’d be so happy to see a negative test. It was such a different experience from last month where I was peeing on sticks constantly and hoping one would be positive before Jamie left for her business trip. Such a rollercoaster of thoughts, emotions and desires this trying to make a gayby is.

I had lots (lots for me is a little for most people) of egg-white cervical fluid yesterday, my cervix seems about ready to ovulate, but the OPK I just did was still negative. Jamie called the bank this morning and we paid the $50 to have the swim team shipped overnight so it’ll be here tomorrow. Hopefully my body isn’t playing tricks on me again and I’ll get that happy little smiley face soon.

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Mastering Marriage

Marriage is great, at least mine is ūüėČ It can also be hard, frustrating, and heartbreaking. It hasn’t always been easy and it probably won’t always be easy. Without getting too sappy, I love my wife more than I ever thought I could and I love her more and differently every day. We often talk about not only how lucky we are that we found each other, but that we found each other when we were pretty young (but not so young that we screwed it up). A lot of people get divorced, gay, straight, young old, kids, no kids, rich, poor, yada yada. Divorce doesn’t discriminate.

Last week Wifey and I were talking about a recent separation and divorce and how sad the whole situation is. The typical the grass is greener on the other side story. I came up with some brilliant marriage advice that ought to be at least partially attributed to the abundance of rain we had recently received and how green our grass looked that day.

The grass might seem greener on the other side, and it might even be greener, a lot greener. The thing is that all grass goes through stages. Sometimes it gets dry and yellow, we forget to water it, it doesn’t rain, the dogs run all over it and rip it up, the chickens eat the seed we try to spread. But then, fall comes, it rains, it cools down a bit, and the lawn turns a lovely shade of green. Then BAM, the grass is green on this side again. It always eventually turns¬†green again…every time, you just have to remember that dry patches happen and that the other side turns yellow too.

And there you have it, that is how to make sure your marriage last. As far as making sure your grass doesn’t die all the way before you remember to water it…you’re on your own. Don’t worry, you can thank me later. We also gladly take donations for saving all those marriages out there. It’s hard work, but someone has to do it.

Oh and guess what? It’s cycle day 2. The bank who shall remain nameless has no compassion and is going to charge us $30 per day if we keep the tank longer than 6 days. They might need a hug or something so that they aren’t so inclined to nickel and dime us poor spermless folk.

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