Tag Archives: lesbian moms

Stimming Along

Best laid plans eh?

Life is hard. Two  parents working full-time is hard. Marriage is hard. TTC is hard. Cancer is hard. Big life decisions are hard. Sigh….There are so many things to write about, to process, to share. At work (and at home) I feel like I am constantly drowning, at least a month behind. I tell myself it won’t always be this way. And then I find myself frozen. Drowning and frozen, great visual haha. And the result is well, as you can imagine, stuck. I can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel and I don’t know where to start, what to focus on. Life is just hard.

But Nature Boy is amazing. He is really the most awesome kid ever and of course everyone’s kid is the most awesome kid ever. We really lucked out with this one, now only if he would sleep better. Maybe next month.

Our nanny put in her notice last week. They are moving, her husband got an awesome job offer. Back to big life decisions and cancer….great for them, bad timing for us. After lots of talking, and thinking, and researching things like selective mustism and how awful of a mother it would make me  to put him in a daycare, we found a Montessori school we feel mostly good about sending him to all day. It will make a huge difference in our budget and hopefully our quality of life. And hopefully it will only make me a slightly awful mother for putting my sweet, extremely shy child in this new and very social environment. His poor little world is about to be rocked. All I can do at this  point is hope it doesn’t ruin him.

But the good stuff. Today is day 5 of stims. J had a blood test yesterday and I guess everything looked good. Estradiol was 260ish? We have an ultrasound and another blood test tomorrow morning. I’m really excited to see how many follicles there are. None of this seems real. We’ve written the checks and picked up the meds and it still hasn’t sunk in yet that we are doing this. That J might be pregnant in a couple of weeks. I hope it works. I want so badly for Nature Boy to have a sibling. He would be such an awesome brother. He says he wants a sister. We’ll see buddy.

And more good stuff



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Nearly a Year

Well, I’m officially a terrible blogger. Other than missing reading updates from folks that I follow, one of the only reasons I come back at least monthly is to make sure that I’m documenting Thijs’ life in some way. I have a journal I write in for him, but I’m a month behind there as well. I keep telling myself that I’ll blog more often, and it never happens, just like the mural in his room isn’t finished. Babies are time consuming. So, even though he is 11 months old as of Tuesday, I’m still going to do his 10 month update here.

DSC_0645 (2)

He’s still about the same size as he was at 9 months, a teeny bit taller and a teeny bit heavier. Growth has definitely slowed wayyyy down though.

  • He continues to be a little nature boy and love, love, loves animals, all of them. There is a local farm we go to often and he loves seeing and petting all the animals, especially goats, pigs, sheeps and birds. He also goes to the aviary at least once a week and loves just watching the birds. One day he wanted to get really close to the birds (you can walk around in their “home”) and he reached out and it bit him. I thought he would start crying, nope he thought it was hilarious and kept trying to get the bird to bite him again.
Trying to get a closer look at the peacock with it's feathers out

Trying to get a closer look at the peacock with it’s feathers out



  • Solids have pretty much been a no go. We are doing baby-led weaning and baby is saying I don’t really like solids, I want to breastfeed for my entire life thankyouverymuch! What he does love to do is feed all of his food to the puppies. We try to stop it, but he is a sneaky little guy. One second he is pretending to eat and then bam his hand moves like a flash down to the side of his chair and into a puppy mouth. He loves it and thinks it’s hilarious. Sometimes we give him little snacks while he wheels around in his walker, yep those go straight to puppy mouths as well. I repeat often, food before 1 is just for fun…food before 1 is just for fun…
  • More and more of his personality comes out the older he gets and he is a little goofball. He loves to make us laugh and loves when we make him laugh. He’s such a happy kid, which makes me happy because honestly those first 4 months had me worried that I messed him up by being so sad while I was pregnant. He likes to make noises to scare and startle us and then laughs and laughs. He LOVES to be tickled, it’s his favorite thing, especially after he wakes up or finishes nursing.


  • The sleep regression is real y’all. He has never been a “good” sleeper, but 9-11 months has been hell. He won’t go to sleep, he won’t stay asleep. There have been a few times I’ve had to hold him down while he nurses so that he will settle and relax and fall asleep. Otherwise, he will nurse for a few seconds, sit up and roll around and play, nurse again, sit up again. All while yawning nonstop. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to get up and party. It’s been a tired month. He also suddenly hates diaper changes again. And now he can move which makes things interesting.
  • He continues to love books, which is awesome and so much fun. His patience is a little lower at times, but he still can sit and read for 20-30 minutes. His favorite books was hard again, but Little Owl’s Night has been a big hit. We read it almost every night at bedtime. His favorite part is the end when the sun comes up and the owl goes to sleep. He even made rooster noises one night while we read it.
  • He mastered drinking out of a regular cup and a straw cup this month. Woo hoo! He loves drinking water. He wants to drink out of the same type of cup we are using, so he gets mugs and glass bottle here and there. He is also got soooo close to walking unassisted. He’s not crawling and his pediatrician pretty much confirmed that he won’t, that he’ll just go straight to walking. He took 2-3 steps on his own quite a few times this month, but isn’t quite “walking” yet. DSC_0664

A few more photos of month 10:

Meeting the giant Easter Bunny

Meeting the giant Easter Bunny

Pigs! Pay attention to me!

Pigs! Pay attention to me!

Easter is awesome!

Easter is awesome!


Laughing on the swings

Laughing on the swings

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Our little sunshine is three-quarters of a year old. He’ll actually be 10 months old on Sunday, but he keeps me busy.


He growing seems to have slowed down a bit. He’s a healthy little guy. He actually weighed less and was shorter at his 9 month check up last week than he was the month before. Strange… I’m going to blame it on user error.

  • We have a little dreamer on our hands. I wish he could tell us what he daydreams about. One minute he is with us chatting up a storm and then the next minute he is off in his own little world. Then, he comes back to us like whoa I was just somewhere else really cool!. My guess is milk, exploring, puppies, and books. Those seems to be his favorite things.
  • We broke down and got him a walker. He LOVES it. It took him less than 24 hours to figure out how to get around it. We rolled up the rugs and moved the tables to the sides of the rooms and he zooms around as fast as he can. He spins in circles, goes forwards and backwards. He tries to get into all the cupboards and then gets frustrated that it doesn’t work (because the frame of the walker blocks the door). His favorite things to do are: chase the puppies, drag the garbage can around, and try to grab the fire extinguisher. He likes to run and then lift up his legs and glide or stomp them down to screech to a halt. It cracks me up. I don’t know how to post videos on here, but if I ever figure it out I’ll post one. He likes to run really fast and then lift up his feet and glide and/or put them down and come to an abrupt halt. It’s really funny when he runs because he leans forward with one arm up in a “charge!” position.
And sometimes he just likes to read by himself in his walker

And sometimes he just likes to read by himself in his walker

About to run away

About to run away

"helping" me cook

“helping” me cook

  • His personality is showing more and more each day and he’s a funny little character. He likes to laugh and likes when we do silly things to make him laugh. Things that usually make him laugh are: peek-a-boo, being tickled, being surprised, being thrown or dropped in the air, and silly and different voices and faces. When he is waiting for us to do whatever it is we are doing to make him laugh again he looks away, but looks at us out of the corner of his eye, with a little grin on his face. Then, he erupts in laughter. It’s adorable.


Laughing about something silly

Laughing about something silly

  • He is not a big fan of crowds, lots of people and over stimulating environments in general. I wonder if he is an introvert or not. He’s very social, but I can tell he gets very overwhelmed if we are away from home for too long. J’s sister got married recently and that was WAY too many people coming and excitedly saying hi to him and wanting to hold him. He’s a little home body and really loves just hanging out with his little family most of the time (and being outdoors of course).
  • He still really loves books. It’s harder and harder to pick his favorite book of the month because he loves almost all of them. Though, he makes it quite clear when he doesn’t want to read a particular book. He has recently started liking the soft books more because he can look at them all by himself. His favorite is Where is the Bone. He likes to chew on the bone and thinks it’s hilarious when the dog barks and tries to lick him. The fish page is his favorite.
  • He started clapping and was so proud of himself when he first figured out how to do it. He does it all the time, especially when he is really happy or wants something that he can’t reach. He started sharing his things with J, not me so much though, which I find funny. He first offered her a  pacifier he was chewing on and later his food. I tried to get him to share his food with me, but he just laughed. Then fed it to the dog… And..he’s really close to walking. He can stand up unassisted for a few seconds if he really concentrates.

And of course a few more pictures of his 9th month.

Such a cheeser

Such a cheeser

New play area

New play area

Fist attempt at painting...he wasn't sure what to think of it. Good thing we got edible paint

Fist attempt at painting…he wasn’t sure what to think of it. Good thing we got edible paint

So silly

So messy


Auntie’s wedding. He loved the flower girl’s bouquet.

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Randomness and Our Awesome Midwife

I haven’t felt like I’ve had much to write about lately, or maybe I just haven’t felt like writing anything. Probably a little of both. We might just be turning into older and more boring people than we already were.

A few posts back I finally gave our midwife a blog name “Activist Genius” with the disclaimer that I would come back and explain why. First, I just want to say that we couldn’t have found a better midwife to fit us and both of our personalities and needs. We lucked out.

Activist: As you know, wifey and I got legally married on Dec. 20th. We had an appointment with the midwife a couple of weeks later. She was sooooo excited about it. The ruling came down right before Christmas and she told us how she talked about the ruling it’s wonderfulness the whole week she spent with her inlaws (much to their dismay). When the governor then a few weeks later said that our marriages were essentially invalid, she asked if she could write a letter to him on our behalf explaining that his actions were causing me and our fetus harm, both physically and emotionally. Of course we said yes, I don’t know if she really ended up doing it or not but she was livid. There was a big protest at the capitol and the next day there was a picture of her in the news with a rainbow flag draped around her. She is not just an ally and support of LGBT rights, she also did a news story about the incredibly icky polluted air we experience in our city. Even though she and her partner make a good living and live in pretty much the nicest part of town, they drive the same 10 year old CNG car that we do (except they have two).Unfortunately, this issue is one that will likely take to her another state right after our Bubbles is born. I’m sure she is an activist in other ways too. It’s kind of funny that our little activist family picked an activist midwife without really knowing she was at the time.

Genius: She is seriously one of the smartest women I’ve met and I’ve met A TON of smart women (my incredible wife for one). She is maybe, slightly obsessed with research-which is totally like me. I research nearly everything and want to know all perspectives and the research supporting them. She stays up to date on all the pregnancy related current research. I’ve been surprised by some of it, and very glad that she knows her stuff. All of the other midwives we interviewed had  a more natural, laid back approach to pregnancy and birth. She also teaches in the midwifery PhD department. I am a huge academic nerd and plan on getting a PhD one of these days. She’s simply brilliant and I feel beyond very confident in her care.

Can I also say that she says that me gaining 18 pounds at 22 weeks is perfectly fine. I have read so many stories of women’s OB’s and midwives giving them lectures about gaining even less than that.  To be honest I don’t know where the 18 pounds is, but it’s somewhere. She just went on and on about how great and healthy I looked.

Other pretty boring news:

  • We finally found a dresser/changing table for Bubbles
  • We also bought ourselves a giant 12 drawer dresser
  • We are remodeling our closet this weekend
  • Soon all of our clothes will be in our room and not in Bubbles’ room
  • We bought a crib, we decided to side car instead of getting a co-sleeper (this one might need it’s own post)
  • I found out using acrylic and oil paints is perfectly fine, so the mural is moving slowly along (in my head)
  • I get to make brownies tonight (wifey told me to wait until tonight so her sister and boyfriend could eat them with us) I can already taste their deliciousness
  • Activist Genius suggested to go along as if we’ll have a homebirth, and if we find out at 30 weeks the placenta hasn’t moved we will discuss other options
  • So I ordered the Pink Kit and we are going to hire a doula
  • I wanted to add a pregnancy ticker countdown to the blog, but I don’t know how, sigh

I wrote on someone else’s blog that I would share our pregnancy announcement photo because I didn’t back when we did it so here it is:



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Can you feel the love tonight?

We got back from Little Rock on Monday night and our baby is LOVED. I feel so lucky to have such supportive family and friends. We just started volunteering for a program that provides “foster homes” for kids who are LGBT and get kicked out by their, often LDS, families. It’s hard to believe that things like that are still happening. We, for the most part, live in a pretty little bubble and I feel so lucky to have had the experience I and we have so far.

I went to graduate school with an amazing group of people. One of them, who is also one of the best straight allies out there, pretty much demanded to throw us a baby shower when she first found out we were TTC. We called her shortly after our BFP and she started the planning away. First, the shower was going to be in D.C., where most of our closest friends moved after graduation. Then, Tennessee, New Orleans, Virginia and Utah were thrown around. Finally, everyone decided Little Rock would be the best. Quite a few people still lived there, including my favorite professors so it made a lot of sense. More places for people to stay and such and somewhere to host the shower for free.

It might seems a little odd to have a shower at 19 weeks, but it was the only weekend that would work for almost everyone and it was a 3 day weekend, which Jamie and I preferred. We headed out Saturday morning and after a loooong day of travel finally made it to our friend’s house. You might remember him as the “I’m not saying I’m the father, I’m just saying I was the only man in the house when the baby was conceived” friend. All was going well (tired but well) until we decided to head out to a bar we all used to go to when we didn’t want to study or just finished big projects. Using the repulsive bar bathroom might have been what pushed me over the edge (it is such a different experience when you aren’t drinking). Or maybe it was the glares I imagined I was getting as I held Jamie’s beer while she played pool. I guess it could have been the long day of flying and exhaustion too 😉 I told J I wanted to leave after her game was over. Then, I got really dizzy and lightheaded. My vision got blurry and I felt really sick. I said I was going out to get some fresh air. As soon as I got outside I threw up. Silly baby didn’t make me sick until halfway through the pregnancy. We headed back “home” and went to bed and I felt fine the next day. Pregnancy is weird y’all.

Sunday was the shower and it was so great. So many people came to show us their love and support (and maybe a little bit for the reunion with everyone else). They gave us sweet cards, beautiful gifts and wonderful advice. Most of them don’t have kids yet so the advice was pretty great.

“Don’t push on the baby’s soft spot. I used to get yelled at for doing it to my sister 🙂 “

“Burp the kid after you feed it”

“Teach your little one to say y’all. It’s efficient and will connect the baby back to Arkansas”

There was also some really sweet advice:

“One of my favorite all time quotes is ‘I used to worry that I’d fail at things that mattered, now I’m concerned that I’ll succeed at things that don’t.’ Here’s to the truly important things!”

“Kiss him/her every chance you get..no matter how ‘cool’ they are. Give them as much confidence as possible to be proud of who they are and who y’all are!”

We went on a great hike to the top of Pinnacle “mountain” after the shower. Really it was such a beautiful weekend full of beautiful people. I already miss them all to pieces.

Here are a couple of photos of the weekend.

J and I so much in love

J and I so much in love










J asked me to show off my bump

J asked me to show off my bump










Group shot

Group shot







Activism is a must in our family

Activism is a must in our family








I might go back and delete the group shot in a few days. Don’t want to be plastering folks all over the web without their permission. Anatomy scan  update coming soon.

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The Exploding Olfactory Receptor

Sometime last week I exploded, physically. I’ll save the emotional exploding for another blog. One day at work, while wearing my bigger pants mind you, I realized I was growing exponentially. Let me clarify that I don’t mean fat. Wifey and I are a product of our culture and thus are working very hard to eliminate this word from our vocabularies before Bubbles gets here. What I mean is that I was almost certain that my uterus was going to burst out of my belly button.

Wifey and I headed out after work to get some special clothes with space for my expanding abdomen, such a great invention eh? I really wanted to put of buying maternity clothes until it got a bit warmer out, but I do feel much better now. The exploding feeling has minimized as well. Now I just feel like I am constantly bloated and sticking my stomach out. It’s weird, the whole thing is weird.

BFF (who is also pregnant and needs a blog name) really didn’t want to get pregnant. She loves kids and is great with them, but the idea of being pregnant grossed her out. She thought it was weird. In her words “Being pregnant isn’t a miracle, now having a litter of puppies would be a miracle. If I could have a litter of puppies, I’d do that in a heartbeat”. I say all this to say that yes it is weird, amazing but weird. The first time we heard Bubbles’ heartbeat I was in shock that there is actually a human, a tiny human, growing inside of me and that in 6 months I will push it out. It’s crazy. Beautiful and wonderful and crazy.

Another great benefit of pregnancy is challenging your canine children to best sniffer competitions. Let me tell you a couple things that happened recently:

  • We had some auditors here at work last week, lovely people. They brought us coffee for our Keurig and little white fudge gingerbread men cookies. One, or both of them, also smelled terrible. Like a mix of terrible B.O., your grandma’s closet, and old food. I walked in after lunch and had to run/walk inconspicuously to my office while holding back the dry heaving. It was cute.
  • It doesn’t help that something in my office smells weird. I’ve looked for an old apple core or stow away hamster but I’ve got nothing. Time for a good candle.
  • I went to go to the bathroom at work after someone had too many jalapeno peppers the night before. I ran out dry heaving. Gross, yes…but true.
  • Bella, my step brothers pug, has the worst breath you have ever smelled on a dog. She wanted to do this to my face and I hated it and tried really hard not to throw up without her knowing I was trying not to throw up. pug




We’ve made it to the second trimester, 16 weeks to be exact. I really enjoy feeling Bubbles move around. It doesn’t happen often but if I give em a little push, I usually feel a tiny dance party. I baffles me how my uterus moves around. If I have a full bladder I look like I swallowed an alien, or a bowl.

I’ll leave you with this little gem that I really enjoyed this week. Everyone should have a taste of the oddities of living in this lovely state. I’m happy to answer questions, as apparently only Utahns will understand.



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